Silly Stuff !!
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old
was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's
your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
And the saddest of all is:
The guy that fell into the glass making machine
made a spectacle of himself....
A SPANISH Teacher was
explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English , nouns
are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance,
is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving
the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male
and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group
was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of
the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
to Fifi for these gems !
bandage was wound around the wound.
farm was used to produce produce.
dump was so full, that it had to refuse more refuse.
must polish the Polish furniture.
could lead, if he could get the lead out.
soldier decided to desert his dessert, in the desert.
there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
did not object to the object.
was a row among the oarsmen, about how to row.
were too close to the door to close it.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
can I intimate this, to my most intimate friend?
I live in a Inn, that plays live music.
It's time to wind down the wind farm.
Most common people, live on the common common.
shed my clothes in the shed.
I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt)
A moth is not a moth in mother.
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there.
And dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose --
Just look them up -- and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five!
kindly sent by Sue.
There is a two letter word that perhaps has more meaning than
any other two letter Word. It's ďUP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top
of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake
UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP
and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the
secretary to write UP a report?
call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
other times the little word has real special meaning. People
stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed
UP is special, and this is confusing.
drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a
store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be
pretty mixed UP about UP.
be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in
the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, UP takes UP almost
1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty. If you
are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways
UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't
give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When it
doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on,
but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so I'll shut UP.
is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger, neither apple nor
pine in a pine-apple. English
muffins werenít invented in England, nor
French fries in
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which arenít
sweet, are meat.
take English for granted, but
if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from
nor is it
a pig. Why it is
that bakerís bake, but grocers donít groce?
If the plural of tooth is teeth. Why isnít the plural
of booth beeth?
goose, 2 geese. So
one moose, 2 meese? One
index, 2 indices?
teachers taught, why donít preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables. What does a humanitarian
what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
can we have
noses that run, and feet that smell?
can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, when a wise man
and wise guy are opposites?
have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language, in which a
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form
by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers and it
reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course,
isnít a race at all).
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
Can you read this?
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 cna.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the
ltteres in a wrod
are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer
the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
by stlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer, you
have to hit ďSTARTĒ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
to my friends Jean, Sue and Greta for sending me these gems, Michael !!